Back home until tomorrow

I went to the hospital for a meeting with the new surgeon this morning. It now turns out that he is not doing the operation as described to me by Mr Mohammad the last time I saw him. Apparently they had a discussion and decided that because of my spinal condition I will not benefit from the more major operation. Why? - no answer - Why? what are the dangers to me - no answer again. He is going to do a decompression, plus spinal fusion and rods but is not putting a cage around the spine nor is he removing the bone fragments completely and replacing them with cages of bone fragments. He listed all of the complications that can arise from this kind of spinal surgery and then said at this stage a lot of people decide not to bother as the risks are too high. He said had I just been complaining about chronic back pain with no other symptoms then he would not have operated at all! My God if I let an animal limp about in this much pain without an operation I would get reported to the RSPCA.

Is that the plan? Change the op. Tell me that he can do nothing for my chronic pain and tell me he would not operate at all but for the loss of sensation in my legs and feet. Skirt around the issue when I ask why he can't do the planned op and not answer when I ask twice will I get extra pain relief after the op if this is the case. Do they hope that because I am not getting the op and pain relief that I thought I will say oh don't bother then. I will just go home. Another way to cut the hospital lists scare the patient half to death and they take themselves off the list?

I was shown my scan photos for the first time and was really shocked to find that my spinal nerve canal at the site of the disc collapse was as narrow as a sewing thread compared to above and below the problem. He then admitted that it will be very difficult to separate the nerves away from the bone and depending on what he finds when he gets in there he might have to change his mind about what operation he does. With my luck he will shake his head and sew me back together again without doing anything.

Once again I asked about pain relief and he said the pain could get better once you can walk more and lose weight. Hello - does anyone listen to me? I was 8st 7lbs when this back pain started in earnest, I am not saying that losing some weight won't help but it won't be the miraculous cure that he seems to think that shedding weight will bring about. I don't think I will be in the mood to embark upon long walks whilst still in as much pain as I am in now. My son says to go and have the operation and then demand more pain relief if the pain is still as severe after recuperation and not take no for an answer this time.

I have just had a phone call from the ward telling me to report there at 11.30am Friday morning. My bag is all packed and I am ready for the off. Whether I will be pleased with the outcome of this operation remains to be seen. Now I have to walk up to the doctor's to get my repeat prescription for pain killers ( which don't really work but it is all that he will prescribe for me at the moment)

Hopefully I will catch up with you later in the week.