Friday, 20 August 2010


My new waterproofs arrived today and whilst the jacket is massive the pants are barely larger than the pair that I already have and these are supposed to be 2 sizes larger. I have ordered another set but this time another 2 sizes larger. This time the jacket will probably cover a small village but I do hope that they realize that if I need a jacket that big then I have a big butt to match the chest and send me a suitably sized pair of trousers. I won't bother to send this set back as the postage to return them will probably be as much as the cost of the suit as it was quite cheap. The jacket fits me so an extra waterproof jacket is always useful to have as I plan to keep the set that fits me well in a bag on the scooter permanently for those surprise showers.

I have only done a couple more rows on my jacket as I was doing other things last night and Buster took up residence on my chair whilst I was in another room. I will have to catch up after he goes home on Sunday.

Today I have been online ordering again (please prise my credit card out of my hand!) I decided that my wardrobe needed a boost for the winter. I have plenty of tops but not the skirts and trousers to go with them - well none that are in good condition and still fit me. I got a 50 plus catalogue today and it was filled with my kind of clothes in my size. There was a 20% discount for my first order so I went a bit mad. I ordered 2 new plain long skirts (one black, one navy) and the same colours in trousers. I also ordered a new pair of almost flat black ankle boots that fasten with Velcro as I have problems pushing my feet into my slip on boots as it hurts my knees when I put pressure on them to push. I stuck to basic colours so that I have something to wear with my different colours of crochet garments and also my store bought tops. That was where I come unstuck every time I have to dress to go out. I lack the basic trousers and skirts that go with everything.

I must be feeling better as I am now thinking about how I look again. Before I just couldn't care less what I wore. Never put on any make up or did anything but just twist my hair up and put a clip in. Anything that was comfy and didn't need ironing got put on. I must admit though that I chose today's purchases in fabrics that will wash, tumble dry so don't need ironing. I don't feel well enough to tackle ironing yet.

I was talking online to a friend who is in the mental health care profession and telling him about my problems and weight issues and he recommended that I try some counselling to get to the bottom of why I am comfort eating. The more depressed I have been the more I have eaten junk. I know that I need to diet but it isn't as simple as that, first I need to find out why I overeat when anything goes wrong in my life. The more I weigh then the more depressed I feel and so the cycle continues and I need to break it somehow. I am hoping that looking a bit better with some new clothes that fit will kick start my better mood. Give me some confidence. There is nothing worse than trying to squash into clothes that used to fit to make me feel self loathing. It ruins my mood before I even get to where I am supposed to be going. I usually finish up crying as I try on garment after garment trying to find something that flatters me. I think that I should have a mammoth trying on session and put the too small and unflattering clothes in a box until I can lose the weight. That way at least when I go into the wardrobe whatever I choose to wear will fit me and then I won't get depressed before I even go out.

Today is miserable, damp and cold. The sun does keep trying to shine through but it doesn't carry much warmth. I think that Summer has gone now and we are into Autumn. Even the tree in my front garden has started dropping a few leaves and it is usually much later in the year when it does that. Whilst I have been writing this the rain has started falling heavily so that is us staying in for the rest of the day.

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