Today I got to see my back specailist and got the answers as to why I have been in so much pain these last few years. He greeted me with well I think we now know what the problem is looking at these X rays and scan pictures. Two of my discs are so disintegrated that (the gel cushion between them has gone) they now resemble small triangles and as I walk they move about pressing on the nerves of my back causing not only excruciating pain but also numbness in my feet and legs. He says I need an immediate major operation which will definitely be within the next 18 weeks. He would like me to lose some weight if I can as the operation lasts all day and it is a huge strain on him in theatre the larger I am. Now that I have a goal to aim for I will do my utmost to lose as much as I can. He said normally he will not operate on anyone whose BMI is more than 30 but because of the seriousness of my condition he will make an exception to the rule for me.
I will be having steel rods screwed into my spine to stabilize it. I think he said he would have to remove the damaged and loose spinal pieces and a large area of spine will be encased with a titanium mesh cage for stability. My friends and family are shocked at this news but I am not. I have realised over the last twelve months that things had either rapidly deteriorated or I was a total wimp. I have a high threshold for pain but many days I have considered overdosing on the pain killers. Not because I was sick of life or that I wanted to end it just purely to stop the pain for a day. It is very debilitating being in constant pain the whole time. I lie in bed willing myself to put my legs over the edge of the bed as for the few moments when I first wake up I lie there pain free and it is such a lovely feeling. Eventually the need for the bathroom makes me get up and then the pain immediately jags through my body.
I am a litle scared of the operation but looking forward to it in many ways. The thought that if it is successful my pain will cease is enough to spur me on. As long as I remain able to knit and crochet during my recouperation then all will be well in my world. I am thinking positive. It will be successful. No if's and no maybe's.
My day has been a total whirlwind. I walked the dog, then went straight to seated aerobics,shopped for my brother's birthday card and present, came home, changed my clothes and then on to the hospital. I actually ate my dinner at 8.30pm. I totally missed out lunch as I had no time to stop and eat any.
I have done no knitting or crochet today and as it is now almost 11pm I don't think much will get done tonight.
The photo shows Buster's reaction to being left on his own most of the day with only one walk. This is his back to me, sighing as he looks outside, I am not talking to you pose.
