Rain, Rain go away

The rain has barely stopped today. Torrential rain for most of the day and thunder and lightening. What a lovely summer Sunday!

Lisa and Vicky came to visit me this lunchtime to cheer me up. It is so nice to have a bit of company as I am still feeling a little bit off and not back to my normal self, whatever that is. I am not depressed as such more bewildered as to what will happen next. Lisa brought me some goodies for my freezer for when I get out of hospital. She also brought some green chenille and a ball of purple mohair. I have offered to make a crocheted shawl for her daughter. I was going to make it after the operation but I will start it before as I have no idea when I am going in now. I am looking for a different pattern to the Sweet Pea shawl as I feel like a change with this one. I will start it as soon as I finish crocheting my modified Doris Chan sweater.

I have been crocheting away today, well until I fell asleep for an hour before the thunder woke me up. I have resolved the problem of my forgetting to increase at the neckline with a bit of improvisation. All will be revealed when I have finished the whole sweater. I have done about half of the body and one sleeve as you can see.

I hope that I can stay awake long enough to do a bit more crocheting tonight. I don't know why I feel so sleepy today. I need to do a bit of knitting on my niece's sock otherwise too much crochet will make my wrists hurt. I like to alternate between knitting and crochet so that I give my wrists a change of movements.

Business as usual

Back to normal today. It's as if yesterday never happened and it was all a bad dream. I went shopping as, of course, I had got rid of all the perishables in the house. Difficult to shop when I know not when (or if) the summons will arrive. I waited until the torrential rain had stopped and the sun came out and sallied forth with Ivy my trusty stead (my 4 wheeled trolley) in the general direction of Tesco. I do apologise to anyone who thought that the hunchback of Notre Dame had come to town but it was only me hunched right over my trolley as my back was giving me a bit of gyp. I managed to get there, and stand upright again, with only a few spots of rain but half way home the heavens opened. Well I discovered that my waterproofs are mis-labelled. They are merely shower proof so I arrived home sopping wet through. Ah the British summer time.

I had started a Doris Chan a couple of days ago and was congratulating myself that I am finally starting to understand her instructions. What do they say about pride cometh before a fall? I got as far as joining the neck and body together only to discover that I had forgotten all about increasing at each end, as well as the raglans, to make the V neck. Undeterred I am pressing on and will either have the only square necked Doris Chan in existence or I have a couple of ideas bubbling in my head as how to deal with the neckline. I just cannot be bothered to undo it right back to the beginning as it is for me and I will turn it into something wearable. The reason it is lying on top of the purple sweater is that I was using it as a template for the size of the body as I thought this sweater was turning out a little wider than the purple.

The wool was one of my charity shop finds and now that I am using it the balls are all in bits and pieces so I will crochet it as far as I can length and sleeve wise. I had packed away my niece's socks just in case I had time to knit before my operation whilst in hospital so I will have to dig them out of the bag again.

Although I am missing Buster I didn't miss having to walk him in the torrential rain today. Plus my back wasn't at it's best today. I do miss his cheery little face and his devotion although I don't miss all his shedding hair.

Tomorrow I am getting visitors. Vicky and Lisa are coming for a visit. It will be nice to have some company as I am still feeling a little shell shocked about yesterday and feel very depressed if I let my mind dwell on it. Back to the crochet to take my mind off it.

My bags are packed and I'm ready to go

Well my bags are packed and I am ready to go. There is one small problem. I am not going - well not yet. They rang me at 8.30am this morning to tell me that my operation had been cancelled due to an emergency admission. The only thing that they can tell me is that I am on the stand by list and will be admitted within the next 2 weeks depending on cancellations and who is free etc. They apologised for messing me about (and how) but the lady admitted in my place is in danger of being paralysed if not operated on immediately so I can't argue with that - her need is far greater than mine.

Thanks to everyone for their good wishes and prayers for me. Can you put them on hold for me until I need them again hopefully in the near future. My mobile phone is having a funny turn today. Every text message that people have sent to me has arrived 3 times. 5 times in Caroline's case. I feel like I am so popular only to realize that I have read the message twice before!

I am not taking the whole of my house with me in those bags by the way. The blue bag holds my CPAP machine that I need to be hooked up to for my sleep apnoea. I am going to leave the main bag packed. I will probably arrive next time without things as I take hairbrush etc out of my bag and forget to replace them. Notice the colour of my bag Amber and Vicky. Yeah for purple!

Buster has apparently settled in well at my son's house and is happily playing with Skye. He is getting 2 walks a day and went swimming in the weir this morning. I think I will have to fight to get him back again now. They said they might bring him back after the weekend. He was their dog originally but they passed him on to me because of his constant barking and growling at the babies. Apparently he is not barking now he is not on his own and has calmed down since he has been with me so might be OK with the babies. If the problem is solved they might want to have him back again. He is definitely going with them on their holidays in August. They have decided to take him whether he comes home to me or stays with them. Now that my op has been delayed it would be debatable that I would be fit enough to walk him by August anyway.

As you can see from the last photo I have started another Doris Chan sweater but this time with a V neck similar to the one that I made for my niece. I am not going to make the cross over neckband that hers has. Maybe a shell edging for mine. As the wool is the same thickness as my purple one I will aim for long sleeves but I have slightly less wool so they may be more of a three quarter sleeve.

Back home until tomorrow

I went to the hospital for a meeting with the new surgeon this morning. It now turns out that he is not doing the operation as described to me by Mr Mohammad the last time I saw him. Apparently they had a discussion and decided that because of my spinal condition I will not benefit from the more major operation. Why? - no answer - Why? what are the dangers to me - no answer again. He is going to do a decompression, plus spinal fusion and rods but is not putting a cage around the spine nor is he removing the bone fragments completely and replacing them with cages of bone fragments. He listed all of the complications that can arise from this kind of spinal surgery and then said at this stage a lot of people decide not to bother as the risks are too high. He said had I just been complaining about chronic back pain with no other symptoms then he would not have operated at all! My God if I let an animal limp about in this much pain without an operation I would get reported to the RSPCA.

Is that the plan? Change the op. Tell me that he can do nothing for my chronic pain and tell me he would not operate at all but for the loss of sensation in my legs and feet. Skirt around the issue when I ask why he can't do the planned op and not answer when I ask twice will I get extra pain relief after the op if this is the case. Do they hope that because I am not getting the op and pain relief that I thought I will say oh don't bother then. I will just go home. Another way to cut the hospital lists scare the patient half to death and they take themselves off the list?

I was shown my scan photos for the first time and was really shocked to find that my spinal nerve canal at the site of the disc collapse was as narrow as a sewing thread compared to above and below the problem. He then admitted that it will be very difficult to separate the nerves away from the bone and depending on what he finds when he gets in there he might have to change his mind about what operation he does. With my luck he will shake his head and sew me back together again without doing anything.

Once again I asked about pain relief and he said the pain could get better once you can walk more and lose weight. Hello - does anyone listen to me? I was 8st 7lbs when this back pain started in earnest, I am not saying that losing some weight won't help but it won't be the miraculous cure that he seems to think that shedding weight will bring about. I don't think I will be in the mood to embark upon long walks whilst still in as much pain as I am in now. My son says to go and have the operation and then demand more pain relief if the pain is still as severe after recuperation and not take no for an answer this time.

I have just had a phone call from the ward telling me to report there at 11.30am Friday morning. My bag is all packed and I am ready for the off. Whether I will be pleased with the outcome of this operation remains to be seen. Now I have to walk up to the doctor's to get my repeat prescription for pain killers ( which don't really work but it is all that he will prescribe for me at the moment)

Hopefully I will catch up with you later in the week.

My premonition came true

I have said all along that I didn't think Mr Mohammad wanted to do my operation. First he said it was my weight that was a problem. In fact he called me morbidly obese which he later denied every saying. My BMI was around 35 at that time so I know it was high but I didn't think too high for a much needed op. Then he lost me in the system. The letter of explanation I got when I got the MP involved fluffed about but gave no direct answer except that they could not understand why the notes went to his desk and then disappeared after that. Hmmm. He then said he would operate even though my BMI is still higher at 32 than his limit of 30 because my condition had got so much worse since he had seen me last. And whose fault is that Hmm?

Today I got an urgent message on my answerphone to call the hospital asap. I phoned and got greeted with "You were supposed to be having an operation next week but" not quite the sort of thing I wanted to hear. She went on to say that Mr Mohammad was operating in someone else that day ( excuse me but surely I was booked first?) and so was cancelling my operation. She went on to say I could wait for him but it could be another 2 months before he could fit me in again or I could come tomorrow and see another surgeon who will operate on Friday. Needless to say I chose the last option as I have been barely able to walk today after my stint in the garden. I have got to the end of my tether with the constant pain and the numbness which is not only in my feet but in my legs and buttocks now. I feel it gets worse day by day.

I found out from my son today that Mr Mohammad was supposed to operate on 2 of his work colleagues but they both got cancelled and eventually both swapped to other surgeons. One finished up having to pay privately as he was in so much pain. There is something wrong going on at that hospital or is it just the NHS in general.

I am going in the morning (well today as it is 1am now) to meet up with this new surgeon. I only hope that he is equally qualified as my surgery is rather complex. The person who rang me had no idea whether I am staying in or coming back home and returning early Friday morning. I have been frantically packing and putting credit on my phone etc. Luckily I had bought all my toiletries a couple of weeks ago. My brother is taking me to hospital so I will put my bag in his boot just in case.

Buster has gone off on his holidays to my son's but was looking very fretfully back at me through the car window as he was driven off in the back along with Skye the rottweiler. I hope that he is OK as my son is a lot harsher with him that I am. He is my baby and rather spoilt. I am missing him already and keep turning around to see where he is. I will get him back home again as soon as is possible. He has a tendency to bark to alert me to any strangers in the street so I know he will get into trouble at my son's for his barking when they leave him to go to work. Skye doesn't bark much and they don't want Buster teaching her bad habits.

I believe that I can get on the net from the TV at my bedside so if I am able I will try to blog from there. I will have to lie on my stomach a lot but I am sure that they will have me up and in a chair as soon as is possible. If I don't stay in Thursday I will update you when I come home from my appointment. Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye. Hopefully I will speak to you soon.

Too much gardening yesterday

The photos today are courtesy of Ms Lilith's Flickr site. I hope that she does not mind my using them on my blog. She took a photo of one of the squares that I made to donate to the Oxfam maternal death blanket. The other two photos are of the pub that we ladies meet at every Monday night. It is a wonderfully old fashioned pub with loads of atmosphere and I think she has captured that well with the pub signs. If I get the other photos of my squares I will post them at a later date.

Yesterday I decided to tidy up the garden prior to going into hospital as I knew that I cannot do it again for a long time. I merely cut the lawn, trimmed the hedge and tidied one of the flower beds but by the end of the day it was all too much for my back, Buster had to miss out on his walk but was cheered up immensely by the arrival of my son and daughter in law (his former mum and dad). They brought my hospital bag, that they had borrowed, back. It all seems closer now that I have the bag to pack and get ready. I have already started my lists of what not to forget. I had bought most items over 2 yrs ago so I need to check if they need washing etc before I pack them. When I bought my nighties and dressing gown for hospital I was a size 22 so they will swing around on me now. But what will hold a lot will also hold a little and I don't like wearing tight things. I normally wear PJ's but decided that nighties would be more comfortable around the scar area in hospital.

Whilst in the garden I packed away 3 of my temporary plastic grow houses and machine washed the plastic covers much to the amusement of neighbours. Well they were filthy and torn around the zips but otherwise OK. I will repair them and fold them away with the grow houses in the garage ready for next year. This time next year I should be fit enough to be trying to grow my own veggies once again.

I didn't do much of anything in the knitting and crochet department last night as by the time I had a shower,ate my dinner and chatted to my visitors the night was half over and my back was protesting so loudly so I gave the crafting a miss.

I got up late but rested this morning and may do a bit more on the flower beds if the rain holds off. I must fit a walk in for Buster though with him missing out yesterday.

Ravelry forum

I had a great surprise at the weekend when I was invited to join the Crochet Designers forum on Ravelry. I feel very honoured as I have not done any real designing for a while. I have adapted several patterns to make them my style lately but that is not what I would call real designing. I seem to be incapable of following instructions to the letter. I read things, do them as the pattern says and then think hmm no - much better to do it this way. I have always had the ability to look at something and make a fair copy of it without any instructions but again I would not call that designing. I shall have to brush up my skills as I am now in the same group as Doris Chan! Gosh I do hope that she never reads my less than flattering comments about her pattern writing skills.

The sock is progressing slowly and I am now up to turning the heel. Last night I went to the King's Arms knitting club and was supposed to be showing Rachael how to make granny squares but she managed them all on her own and didn't need my help. I spent the evening making a few squares for the Oxfam maternal deaths blanket but as I gave them to the lady who is collecting them I don't have a photo. Rachael took some and promised to e mail me later with them. They may get added to this post later otherwise I will post them when I receive them.

I saw this blog today describing their visit to Woolfest
http://www.iknit.org.uk/iknitblog.html
it is from the shop I Knit London. If I ever get to London I must try and find this shop, even if I can't buy anything from it, just for the atmosphere alone. I had already browsed their Flickr site. My friend Charlie went down a couple of weeks ago and found the shop and she has had a burning urge to own one similar ever since. I want one of the badges that Gerald is wearing. I am a hooker !!

The ladies from Knitting Noras have suggested that we have club T shirts so that people can recognise us whilst we are out and about at things like Woolfest but I want a badge as well! My last chance to be a hooker? I am getting a little old for the basque and the fishnets so a crochet hooker is the best I can aim for at my time of life.

The sun is shining today and the grass is as high as an elephant's eye (well more like a small cat - poetic licence to pinch the phrase from the musical Oklahoma) so I think I had better wrestle my mower down the steps and put an hour or so in on the garden before I go into hospital.

If you are interested in unusual photos of Woolfest then check out one of the Noras Flickr site http://www.flickr.com/photos/eadaoinflynn/
Eadaoin has taken some lovely pics of sheep and rabbits as well as buttons, wool etc. She has also got some very unusual photos of Manchester on there taken as she walks around it. I have never seen any of these so have decided that I must walk around with my eyes tight shut.